A Gut Feeling

Do you ever hear that little voice in your head? Do you feel it writhing in your gut, and yet ignore it anyway? Or is it just me?

You want to go with your intuition more than anything but you can’t help but get swept away with what you want to be so right. It’s like I’m hovering over my body, watching one foot step in front of the other, straight toward disaster. I’m screaming at my body to stop and it won’t listen to a word that I say.

I know that I’ll regret every decision that I’m making. I can voice my skepticism to friends but for some reason I can’t digest the words myself. If a friend of mine were in the same situation I would slap some sense into them and urge them to run the other way. Why am I not lacing up my running shoes?

I’m a smart woman. I know the difference between right and wrong. I have good intuition. I know how to put stories together and fish out what doesn’t seem like the truth. The stench of what I’m questioning should be enough for me to walk away. It’s very simple.

And yet here I stand – in the path of disaster. It’s like watching a tornado whirling toward you and not getting out of the way. You know that catastrophe is about to occur right in front of you and you do nothing to protect yourself. And boom.

I am now left with that emptiness that I was so desperately seeking to fill. A few days in dreamland and I’m back to square one. The hole deeper and more painful than it was originally. And I have no one to blame but myself.